


Boldly Going Forward

by kaylaber1



Series: Star Trekkin [1]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Vulnerable James T. Kirk, i'll add tags as necessary, it's more likely than you think, me? posting my oc fics?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 03:21:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18044516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaylaber1/pseuds/kaylaber1
Summary: Medical Examiner of the Enterprise Rowena Gillespie does not handle human emotion well, her own or others. So how the hell did she end up falling for one of the most emotional humans on the damn ship?





	1. Chapter 1

“Ya know what Kirk? I oughta thank you for keeping me in a job! If you didn’t go galavanting around space trying to prove you’ve got the biggest  _ cajones _ in the galaxy, getting good men killed left and right, well I would just be sittin here twiddling my damn thumbs!!” She shouts, knowing as soon as she’s let that bit of word vomit out, she’s gonna regret it. 

 

Rowena hadn’t slept in two days between the autopsies and paperwork. 17. 17 good men and women gone. 17 families to notify. 17 individual reports to file. It was the highest casualty count she’d yet experienced, but still it seemed like every other week there was another damn catastrophe on this ship. And then the Captain himself, coming down here and having the  _ gall  _ to tell her how to do her own damn job? She snapped as surely as if she’d been a twig under his boot. In the heavy silence that hung in her office after that outburst, she’s certain that she’s going to be discharged, and that Kirk will find a way to get her license revoked. Instead, he wilts before her, using her desk to support himself. 

 

“Is that really what you think of me, Doctor?” He asks. There’s a tone in his voice that she doesn’t like. Rowena doesn’t have time to respond before he’s launching into a monologue. “Maybe you’re right, Gillespie. I spend so much time in here, sending you officer after officer…. Perhaps I am the one to blame. If I had only had a little more time, or a little more patience, or if I’d considered all of my options…” 

 

He trails off and from the way his shoulders begin to shake, Rowena can tell he’s started crying. Shit. Shit fuck damn. She didn’t  _ do  _ emotions. That’s why she worked on the dead. Still, she had started this, and only she could end it. 

 

“James, come on.” She groans, trying not to sound too frustrated. “I didn’t mean that, and you ought to have the common sense to know it.”  

 

“But you’re  _ right _ . It’s all my fault. Every single person that comes through these doors is here because I sent them there. Their lives- the lives of everyone on this ship- are in  _ my  _ hands.”

 

With a sigh, she places her hands on his shoulders, massaging them roughly in the way that her father would do to her when she was in a slump. 

 

“C’mon, champ.” She said, still firmly reliant on her childhood memories to carry her through this ordeal. “You’re one of the most dedicated officers in the fleet. You’re down here in my morgue following up on every single body- every single  _ officer _ \- you send through here. You call their families even though you know I’ve already sent them letters, you  _ care _ , James. Far more than you have to or even should. This-” she gestures vaguely “-This is just work for me. But you? You make it personal. I know you’d never willfully endanger a member of this crew no matter how pompous you are, because I know what happens when you lose one of us.”

 

The Captain doesn’t say anything, but instead pulls her into a hug, affectionately running his fingers through her artificially pink hair. She’s not used to contact like this, and reflexively stiffens in his arms, but he doesn’t seem to care. Awkwardly, she brings her arms up to pat his back. Briefly, she notes that he’s soft, and warm, and he smells of old spice. Rowena had almost decided to enjoy the embrace when a gentle kiss was placed upon her head. Panic alarms sounding, she jumps back, eyeing her Captain like a frightened animal. Kirk blinks for a moment, eyes still slightly red from crying and lack of sleep, before straightening his uniform and clearing his throat.

 

“I-I apologize, Doctor Gillespie. That was highly unprofessional of me and-”

 

“Oh can it, James.” She says dismissively. “You’re distraught, you haven’t slept in god knows how long, and I provoked you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Needing a warm body to hold every now and again is just part of being human.” 

 

“A ‘warm body’....” He repeats, his tone almost….sad?  “Yes, thank you, Rowena. I think I’ll go try to sleep again.”

 

“I think that’d be extremely prudent of you, Captain.” She says, leaning back against her desk as she watches him leave. Twirling a frizzy lock of hair around her fingers, she realizes- He’s never called her “Rowena” before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lil dirty, lil gross, a lot sassy

Sex wasn't something Rowena spent a lot of time thinking about (Mostly because she spent a good deal of her time elbow-deep in chest cavities, and that was not something she wanted to think about with her hands searching for someone’s gallbladder) but lately she found herself more and more drawn into wild and torrid fantasies. A flash of blonde hair, a charming and seductive grin, a hushed whisper of her name, familiar fingers in her hair. It was just that, though. A fantasy. One she'd unfortunately been lost to since the day before the mass funeral. 

  


And god Rowena felt horrible when she put that together. She hadn't even seen the ship's Captain since, and that had been weeks ago. Such a bleak time in her career shouldn't be a source of excitement. And yet, Rowena can't help but wonder what might've happened if she had let it continue. If she had melted against him like so many before her, and let him take comfort in her body. 

  


Rowena lets her hand slip under her uniform skirt for a second time that day, hand rubbing gently over her underwear. Teasingly. She didn't want to do anything outright. Not like this. Not at her desk. But she supposed she could allow herself this slight bit of relief. She hears the doors slide open and quickly jerks her hand away, folding them in her lap. Of course it’s the subject of her current sexual fantasy that walks through them. Because why would anything be  _ easy _ for her? 

  


“Is this business, Captain Kirk?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. “I thought we'd finished the Veshan case.”

  


“No.” He admits. “No it's not about the Veshan case.”

  


“Oh don't tell me you brought me a present.” She groans, standing to look behind him for a stretcher. There is none. 

  


“No, It's not business, Gillespie.” Jim says stiffly. “I've come to properly apologize for my behaviour on the Veshan case. I was out of line.”

  


Rowena sags with disappointment. God not the feelings again. Anything but the feelings. She'd take a fallen crewman over the feelings. 

  


“James, I told you. Don't bother.”

  


“And I told you I've come to apologize. I behaved foolishly and I clearly upset you-”

  


“You caught me off guard, stupid.” she says brazenly. “I don't do emotion, Kirk. If I did, I'd be a doctor, but as it is I have the bedside manner of a Tellerite. You didn't hurt me. You startled me.”

  


“Well, then I apologize for startling you.”

  


“I’ve already told you it’s fine. What more do you need?” She snaps, sitting down on her desk and rubbing her temples in irritation. 

  


“To believe you.” Jim explains. “You keep telling me that I shouldn’t worry about it, but your tone of voice, your body language,  _ everything else _ says otherwise.” 

  


“Maybe I’m just pissed you won’t let this go.” 

  


“Maybe so, but I don’t think that’s it. How can I make this right?”

  


She sighs, pushing herself off of her desk. Clearly this wouldn’t just be ‘let go’ like she thought it would. Rowena puts a hand on Jim’s chest, noting the way he leans into the touch.

  


“You know what would make me happy, Captain?” She says softly, leaning against him, green eyes sparkling with want

  


“What’s that, Rowena?” He says, just as breathless. His arms come to rest around her waist and against her better judgement, she lets herself melt into him.

  


“I want you to go back to the bridge, do your damn job, and let me do mine. Forget all about how you came into my office, lectured me about my work, and then cried like a baby. Pretend like it never happened, because as far as I’m concerned, it didn’t.” She says flatly. 

  


“If it's really what you want, then that's what I’ll do.” Jim says, but he makes no move to let her go. 

  


“It is.” Rowena insists, glancing to his lips and licking her own.

  


“Very well then.” He says, releasing his hold on her waist and taking a step back. “As you were, Gillespie.” 

  


“Yes, sir.”


	3. Chapter 3

True to his word, the Captain doesn’t return to the morgue for the next two months. Rowena is surprised, honestly. Even if Kirk hadn’t broken down and come to interrogate her, she had at least thought she’d end up with another security guard on her autopsy table. To tell the truth, she was proud. She loved her job, but she also hadn’t expected quite the volume of traffic through her morgue when she’d accepted the position on the enterprise. The price of discovery, she supposed. 

 

But the streak had to end sometime, and when Doctor McCoy came through her morgue doors trailing a gurney behind him, Rowena knew that her reprieve was over. She rushes up to meet him. 

 

“Whatcha got for me, doc?” She asks, taking the gurney from him. 

 

“I….I don’t know yet, Ro.” 

 

The way he says it sends a cold chill of fear through her. 

“What do you mean you ‘don’t know’. What’s happened?” 

 

“I mean I don’t know what killed him. We picked something up on the planet’s surface. It’s obviously deadly, but I don’t know anything about it yet. I’ve got 4 more in sickbay headed this way if I don’t figure it out soon.”

 

“Heard and understood. I’ll start the autopsy immediately. Maybe there’s something internal that’ll help tell us what’s going on.” 

 

“Thank you, Rowena. I know this is a big risk you’re taking-” 

 

“Hush. None of that now. It’s my job. I’ll let you know what find as soon as I find it”

 

Only trouble with that? She didn’t know what she was looking for. O’Malley’s lymph nodes were terribly enlarged, and his liver looked like he’d been drinking for 30 years when his medical records said he was a perfectly healthy 29 year old man. Hell, the guy even had his appendix still. Cause of death, however, was the fever that had cooked his brain. She’d made her report and taken a disinfecting shower, and taken the necessary precautions for body storage, and she still felt so very useless. Rowena cradles her head in her hands. Through her thoughts, she doesn’t hear the door to her office slide open. 

 

“Dr. Gillespie, are you alright?”

 

“Captain!” She jumps in her seat, startled by his voice. “Yes I- you shouldn’t be here. We don’t know how this spreads yet and you’re at risk for contam-”

 

“I was a member of the landing party, Gillespie.” 

 

“I apologize sir.” 

 

“No need. You didn’t know.” 

 

“Captain, if I may, what brings you down to my neck of the woods.”

 

“O’Malley. Has the family been notified?” 

 

“Not yet, sir, but-”

 

“Why not? You handed in the autopsy report hours ago, you’ve had plenty of time. Gillespie, you have one job on this ship and I expect it to be done and to be done properly.” His voice is harsh. Authoritative. Impatient. She can’t  _ stand _ that tone. Rowena is on her feet in moments. 

 

“Captain, I cannot stress this to you enough. There are 4 other security guards lying in your sickbay as we speak. Dying. Your Chief Medical Officer has been exposed to this, I have been exposed to this, and you yourself have been exposed to this. I don’t know what you know about my job, but my priority right now is those 4 men, and if anything,  _ even one damn thing  _ in O’Malley’s autopsy can help those men, then it is worth holding off notifying the family for a few hours. He’s not getting any deader.” With every word she takes a half step forward, until by the end of her monologue, she is planted firmly in his personal space

 

“What if it were your son? Your brother? Your husband? What if it was someone you loved laying there dead in that cooling chamber, Gillespie?” 

 

“Then I would want to know that his death was not in vain,  _ sir. _ ” She hisses. “I will notify O’Malley’s family, Kirk, and I will do so respectfully and solemnly and with the utmost amount of compassion, but I don’t intend on having to notify anyone else’s families, do you understand?”

 

There is a moment of charged silence between them as they stare each other down, faces inches apart. Rowena is half surprised to see his resolve soften under her gaze. 

 

“I understand, Dr. Gillespie. Do what you must, but see to it that it gets done.”

 

“When have I ever let you down, James?” 

 

He seems surprised that she chose his first name.

 

“Never in my memory, Rowena.”    


End file.
